An alert meerkat

Post-Partum, bulleted

I wanted to write a description of the c-section and recovery, but have not found the time or attention span for it.  So here are some bullet points from the last two weeks:

• Having a baby in the hospital is the peak experience of the process that begins during pregnancy wherein your body is not your own.  It is a strange feeling of deconstruction.  Two examples: Right before the c-section, the insertion of the catheter was done by someone in training and who had to make several tries at it before getting it right.  Later, when a breast pump was being demonstrated on myself, my hospital room seemed to become a bus station, with various people coming in and out while the machine was chugging away.  All modesty goes out the window and in some ways it is a relief.  Now that I am out of the hospital, I must remember that showing everyone my breasts is no longer okay.
• My emotions have been all over the place, although much time has been devoted to the crying place.  The Carly Simon song 'Coming Around Again' made me cry the other day, because of its appropriate use of the word 'bewildering' to describe parenthood.  I even bought it on iTunes.  The last song I bought before that was 'Taste the Pain' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, which does not fully redeem this purchase.
• Breastfeeding has been the most physically painful part of this entire process, including recovering from a c-section.
• Everyone has their damn opinions on breastfeeding!
• What did people do before television after having a baby?  Or was that when people just immediately went back to working the fields?  Although I don't understand why there are hours at night with no shows - aren't we in a 24-hour society now?
• The shrieking specter of colic is showing its gaping maw.  Fear it.  Fear it.
• More later...

Birth

 

 

Soon we'll be heading to the hospital for my c-section.  Night-before-birth events:

• Pint of Peanut Butter Cup ice cream consumed
• Mystery Diagnosis watched
• Observed cat lurch drunkenly around the house after getting a tumor removed from her ear
• Crunching sound outside investigated: possum on back deck; back door left open to let in unusually cool night air (through screen door) subsequently closed
• Blog post written
• Finished reading The Red House Mystery by A. A. Milne.  I thought it was good.
• Watched last half of movie Field of Dreams
• Thought: huh, these seem to be actual contractions.  Interesting.
• Hoped for the best

Looking down while wearing a blue polka dot shirt - 36 weeks pregnant

Looking down while wearing a purple shirt - 35 weeks pregnant

It's true

Evidence

Co-worker: I can tell you're having a boy because you are carrying all your weight here [grabs own ass with both hands].

Book meme

So, yeah, I'm pregnant.  Four months.  I have nothing coherent to say about that now.  So I stole this from Sheila!

A book that made you cry:  A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving 
Death scenes always get to me.

A book that scared you: Pet Semetary by Stephen King 
Okay, I just noticed he spelled cemetery weird, I guess like a child would spell it, although I always misspell that word, too.  How could I have not noticed that before?  Anyway, this book scared the crap out of me and when I re-read it, it scared me just as much.  Even though the book kinda bugged me sometimes because it seemed to throw more and more scary shit on oddly, like the whole Zelda thing.  And there was that bizarre sex scene with the dishwashing gloves?  Huh?  The kid's name, Gage, still sounds like an undead child with a mashed head, walking in a disjointed, mechanical way, coming toward YOU....Jesus, it scared me.

A book that made you laugh: Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris 
I think this is the one with the very short story about using the bathroom at a party and finding a nasty surprise in the toilet.  Due to my sophisticated level of humor, I was crying in laughter from that. 

A book that disgusted you: Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
I didn't finish it either, which is supposed to be some kind of sin, right?  I just found the sex as part of murdering someone to be, well, distasteful.  I lost interest after that. 

A book you loved in elementary school: Misty of Chincoteague by Marguerite Henry 
Yeah, I liked horse books as a kid.  What of it?  I could beat you up.

A book you loved in middle school: The Once and Future King by T.H. White
Loved, loved, loved this book, particularly the childhood parts.  Later I read how T.H. White hated women and this was evident in the book, but I didn't notice at the time.  And whatever, excellent book.

A book you loved in high school: Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
I went through a big Vonnegut phase in high school, reading all his books, re-reading them and so on.  Later I lost interest in them and appreciated his essays more.  But his books are really damn creative, you know?  Extremely distinctive and original.

A book you hated in high school: Walden by Henry David Thorough
Which is weird, because I was much more of a hippie then.  But I couldn't stand the writing and how fucking excited he was, referencing Greek myths all the time, about how he went camping.

A book you loved in college: Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins
I went through a Tom Robbins phase around that time.  Hasn't stood the test of time, really.  You know how Alfred Hitchcock would insert himself in every movie?  Well, it seemed there was a strong theme in his books of scruffy old men bestowing wisdom and sexual education to young nymphs with round breasts.  It just got a bit too obvious.

A book that challenged your identity: Offshore by Penelope Fitzgerald
This book and The Blue Flower blew me away.  I can't even say what it is exactly, but they seem like perfect books.  Like Time the Revelator by Gillian Welch is a perfect song.  They are books I wish I'd written and, I don't know, they are so short and odd, but they just really rang my chimes in a way that I didn't expect.

A series that you love: The Wimsey/Vane mystery series by Dorothy Sayers

Your favorite horror book: Smilla's Sense of Snow by Peter Hoeg
Starts out as a mystery and turns into a big ole X Files episode with icebergs and aliens.

Your favorite science fiction book:   Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams
What a damn shame he died.  Such a clever, funny writer whom you could tell just had a good heart and would be a great pal.  Anyway, the non-hitchhiker books are odd, but they were still funny and he clearly had a blast writing them.   

Your favorite fantasy:   Watership down by Richard Adams
What a great story.  And such memorable details about the nature of rabbits, complete with a separate language (hrair, silflay, embleer, etc.).  But all as just embellishments on an awesome adventure story.

Your favorite mystery: The Franchise Affair by Josephine Tey
I don't know that it is my favorite, but I ready it recently and quite enjoyed it.  A contemporary of Dorothy Sayers, Tey is a darker writer with very good characterization.  I have nothing interesting to say about it, though.

Your favorite biography: Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow
I think that's just the last one I read, although maybe I read the biography of Dorothy Sayers more recently.  They were both good.  My brain hasn't been able to get out of 2nd gear in a while and possibly never will again, so I found the Alexander Hamilton one interesting but a bit too dense.

Your favorite “coming of age” book: Dibs in Search of Self by Virginia Axline
Reading the first review on Amazon, it sounds like some people didn't like how the mother was cold and thus blamed for everything.  Geez.  Some women really are cold bitches, describing one isn't a blow against feminism or anything.  I'm a cold bitch, for example.  Anyway, it isn't really coming of age in terms of adolescence, since he was only five or so.  But it was still about growing up.

Your favorite classic: To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
For some reason, I never liked Dill, particularly.  Or, he made me uncomfortable or something.  But I loved Jem.  Jem's growing up seems like the backbone of the book.

Your favorite romance book:  Gaudy Night by Dorothy Sayers
I love this book.  And it is even quite sexy, I think.  Sayers always kept her characters at a distance, particularly Wimsey, all goofiness and intellectual verbosity, so the scene where Harriet notices the skin on the side of his face while watching him reading is quite...moving.

Your favorite book not on this list: This is the Zodiac Speaking: Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer by Michael Kelleher
This is by no means a favorite book, but I thought I'd mention it since there isn't a category for the book that arrived the same day you found out you were pregnant.  Sha-zam!

Eating books

I got this via Sheila O'Malley, and it is the kind of thing that makes me wish I had a higher functioning brain.  I just can't remember anything or come up with answers at all!  But it has been almost two months, so I'll just post some crap.  What does the picture have to do with books?  It is the #6 image Google pulls up for books.  Go figure.

Overused Plot Points That Drive Me Nuts

This is a very interesting question that I wish I could answer quickly.  Off to a roarin' start, right?

Books I Lied About Reading and Then Wrote an A+ Term Paper On

Walden Pond.  I wrote my  paper entirely based on the footnotes, which I found flipping through the book.  I was even asked to read it to the class - junior year in high school.  Still proud of that one.  I'm sure if I read the paper now I would cringe, cringe, cringe.

Books I Wish I Hadn't Finished, or Worst. Ending. Ever.

I read The Gospel According to Jesus Christ and absolutely loved it at the beginning and disliked it more and more as the book went on.

Literary Characters I've Developed Crushes On

When I was a teenager I had a crush on King Trent in one of my brother's sci fi books. Or rather, I had a certain dream about him, ahem.

Peter Wimsey has a real appeal, but he can come off kind of know-it-all at times.

Books I Only Read to Impress Other People

I don't really do this, because who knows what I read, anyway?  But when I am culling my home library, getting rid of a 'smart' book does bring up the demon of vanity to say - but people will see this and think you are smart!  And some of the other stuff you are keeping makes you look like a dumbass!

Best Books Not to Read from Start to Finish, or Best Bathroom Books
Any of the Richard Feynman books.

Books I Re-Read When I Have Nothing Else to Read
I used to re-read all. the. time.  But in the past 5-6 years, I haven't read much of anything, re-reading or new stuff.  I don't know why.  I could still recite The Once and Future King pretty much word-for-word, though.  Also, To Kill a Mockingbird.

Books My Teacher Made Me read That Made Me Question the Value of My Education

I didn't get Shakespeare, honestly.  I really couldn't get most books in school, because:

1. I loved reading and hated school, so I just kept those things separate.

2. I was just too young to understand the books. Most of the books were way over my head, maturity wise.

Books Which, When It Comes Right Down to It, I Would Have No Problem Burning
Uh.  I don't think I'd really burn anything.  But I wouldn't have a problem with people burning 9/11 conspiracy books or holocaust denial books.  I would think they shouldn't burn ALL copies or anything but if any torched, I wouldn't be crying.

Books I Pretend to Like So People Won't Think I'm a Snob, or Books I Pretend to Like So I Won't Hurt Your Feelings
My cousin wrote a romance novel, but I haven't really been called upon to pretend to like it too much.  I think I would, though, if she asked me - I mean it is probably good for a romance novel, right?  Plus she wrote a damn book and got it published, that's amazing.  I can't even update a blog with any frequency. 

I can see your Proust

This is yet another meme-y thing.  Okay?  Okay?!

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Being calm, cool weather out, having run a long way in the morning, wearing loose clothing, having everyone I love safe, laughing very hard about something with husband.

What is your greatest fear?
Husband dying.  Absolutely worst would be if I caused it through some stupidity of mine.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
Honestly, no one comes to mind.  There are people I would have liked to know: Penelope Fitzgerald and Dorothy Sayers come to mind.  But I can't think of anyone that I've thought - I relate to that person.

Which living person do you most admire?
Crap, I feel pressured to come up with worldly heros.  But you know, I most admire writers who are funny: Mimi Smartypants, 15 Minute Lunch, Evany Thomas, Sheila O'Malley...

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Strident judgmentalism.

What trait do you most deplore in others?
Gleeful cruelty.

What is your greatest extravagance?
Food - I spend so much money on stuff like expensive cheese and I eat sweets like I'm living my last week on earth.  And I can feel it in my pants, dammit.

On what occasion do you lie?
I'm cheery and (overly?) nice at work and then get home and spew vileness about my job to the husband, to my shame.  I think I am sometimes dishonestly nicey-nice at work to try to get the damn job done.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I have an instant answer but don't want to say it.  And it's my blog, dammit.  It is stupid, because a) no one reads this and b) others I've read have had the exact same answer as me, but still.  No.

What is your favorite journey?
'Journey' - what a romantic sounding word - am I supposed to answer: the journey to serenity or something?  But hell no, I love walking around new cities in nice weather, which this year we've done in Chicago, San Francisco and Denver.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Not swearing.

Which living person do you most despise?
Pick a serial killer, any serial killer.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Are you ok?

What is your greatest regret?
Not getting a real college degree in something useful.  On paper, I have almost no qualifications for jobs.  Makes getting a job difficult, cause my resume sucks.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Geez, I only have 5 blog entries or something, but even with that it should be clear I'm head over heels with my husband.

When and where were you happiest?
I've been happy quite a lot - I'm damn blessed.  Just to mix it up a little, about 12 years ago I was single and drove to Denver, thinking I was going to move there.  I stayed with my brother and then-sister-in-law, who were fighting like mad, which ultimately changed my mind.  But while I was there I drove out to some part of Rocky Mountain State Park by myself and stopped the car at kind of a pull-off the road place.  It was in the middle of a big bowl of a valley, with mountains all around; it was cold, windy and slightly drizzly, but not enough that you'd get too wet standing outside, which is what I did.  And breathed and looked around and the mountains and towering cloud sky and holy shit.  Happiness.

Which talent would you most like to have?
Singing.

What is your current state of mind?
Anxious and agitated due to a strange day at work where everyone was over-ly nice to me.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My neurotic nature, which makes things harder than they need to be.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
My family members are either almost completely absent and unavailable (most of them) or on the verge of smothering.  A middle ground would be nice.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?
Person.

If you could choose what or who to come back as, what would it be?
Otter.  Not sure how to pick a person to come back as?

What do your consider your greatest achievement?
Running and doing it consistently the last three years.  I am the queen of giving up on things and I've stuck to this.

What is your most treasured possession?
Cat.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Real physical sickness can really make you realize how much it can suck to be alive.  Emotionally, my teenage years win the depair pit award.  It sort of feels like I didn't really survive that time period intact, but I'm guessing this is a common feeling.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Alertness.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Well-roundedness in interests.

What is the quality you most admire in a woman?
Generosity with women peers.

What do you most value in your friends?
Showing up consistently.

Who are your favourite writers?
Penelope Fitzgerald, Dorothy Sayers.

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
Hazel in Watership Down.

Who are your heroes in real life?
EMS people and ER doctors.

What are your favourite names?
Sigrid.  Ingrid.  Kern.  LaFayette.

What is it that you most dislike?
Killers.

How would you like to die?
Old, with Rob there, no pain, at peace.

What is your motto?
Be ethical, have dignity, be kind, enjoy life.

Meme o' Words

Words that always look misspelled to me:
Misspell. Mayonnaise.

Words I enjoy saying:
Wisenheimer.  Motherfucker.

Words I enjoy hearing:
Chutzpah.  Love of my life.  You should get some ice cream.  Why not get both?

Abbreviations I dislike:
SME! I hate goddamn SME (subject matter expert), pronounced SMEEEE.  And other work terms: JAD sessions.  OP.  SLA.

Proper nouns I enjoy:
Grace Kelly.  Sigrid.  Reykjavik.

Words I associate with happiness:
Cookie. Rob. Love.  Music.

Words I always misspell:
Accommodate. Enunciate. Pronunciation. Mayonnaise.

Words I enjoy spelling correctly, every time:
Incorporate. Epiphany. Receive.

Words that, though I love their meaning, I’m too embarrassed to say out loud:
Croissant, because I hate saying it in full French pretension (kwa-sah(n)) and I hate saying it in American blah (kressent).

Words I can never remember the meaning of no matter how many times I look them up:
Capitol vs. capital.

Words that sound like what they mean:
soft.  feel.  snow.  loft. craggy. speck.

Words that sound like something other than what they mean:
Breakfast. Pianist. Mediocre.